my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
