Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
