Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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