my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
