To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
