i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
