so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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