Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
