Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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