He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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