so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
