There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
