Dual....:-)
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
