He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
