On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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