He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
