And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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