a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
