I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
