Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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