Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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