he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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