I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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