If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Two words: nipple clamps
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