He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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