Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
