I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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