I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
