People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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