Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
