My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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