maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
