i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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