I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
