So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
