this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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