If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
