I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Soap is not a condiment
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
