well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
