i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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