the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
