Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
