Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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