is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
