ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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