YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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