Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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