ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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