The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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