let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she pinky promised me she was 18
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't deserve a penis
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
